“Why is your skin not white?”
The normalising of whiteness and othering of British people of colour
You’ve probably seen the recent news in which Ngozi Fulani attended Buckingham Palace as a representative of Sistah Space, the women’s domestic abuse charity she founded. Within 10 minutes of attending, Lady Susan Hussey had touched Ngozi Fulani’s hair (I won’t get into this) and repeatedly asked variations of “where are you really from?”. Whilst this situation is news, it’s not new for people of colour (POC)*. What it is, is sad, annoying and mentally draining. Anyway, below I’m going to focus on the broader context of this line of questioning and what it means for POC.
What is the question really asking? The simple answer is “why is your skin not white?”.
To provide some context to those of you who haven’t been asked “where are you really from?”, the question is always a follow up from a POC responding to an initial “where are you from?” with “Britain” (or some variation like London, Birmingham etc)**. The question is often asked out of the blue and at the first meeting (this is important). I’ve been asked a variation of "where are you really from” countless times and I’ll add that only white folk have asked me this. I’m willing to bet that every POC in Britain has been asked a variation of this; “where are you really from?”, “where are your people from”, “yeah, but before Britain, where?”, “where in Africa?”, “where in Asia?” etc.
The unintended (or maybe intended) consequence of the question is the normalisation of whiteness and the othering of British POC.
What is the question really asking? The simple answer is “why is your skin not white?”. Some might say that the line of questioning is harmless and white folk are just asking because they’re interested. Whilst some people might just be interested, the questioning is not harmless, and the intent does not matter. It is a constant reminder to POC that feel “different” that we might just be. It is a constant reminder to POC that a lot of white folk reduce our identities to our skin colour. It is a constant reminder to POC who exist in white spaces that we are not truly welcome. To be British, it is not enough to just be born in Britain, for a lot of white people, you must be white too…apparently. The unintended (or maybe intended) consequence of the question is the normalisation of whiteness and the othering of British POC.
Aside from that, it’s also a strange and deeply personal question to ask the first time you meet someone.
The context (i.e. the question being asked on the first meeting) is important. I’d guess that a lot of POC would be ok (perhaps not happy) with answering “where are you from?” to their white friends. In this scenario there is trust and the power structures within friendship might not be so heavily imbalanced. It’s plausible that there have been conversations regarding their identities. However, when a white person asks this for the first time there is a significant power imbalance. Also, it asks the POC to display a level of openness (and vulnerability) that is not reciprocated. This is important because reducing someone’s identity to their skin colour can reinforce harmful stereotypes and seeks to make them a representative of that racial grouping. It fails to acknowledge that people within racial groupings do not share a homogenous identity i.e. all POC are not the same! Aside from this, it’s also a strange and deeply personal question to ask the first time you meet someone.
Why do you feel the need to exert your power and try to force an answer out of us?
Let’s take a historical perspective for a second. Britain has spent most of its recent years colonising the world, defending that colonial empire, then asking people from that empire to return to the ‘motherland’ to rebuild it. Yet a significant amount of white British people can’t fathom that there could be British people who aren’t white. Regardless of the empire, Black people have been in Britain since Roman Britain…that’s nearly 2000 years. Irrespective of the history, and the fact that POC have been in Britain for a very long time, the follow up questions suggest that POC must be lying. Why can you not be happy with our answer? What benefit is there to asking us again? We understood the question. Why do you feel the need to exert your power and try to force an answer out of us?
It’s a sad irony that whilst attending the event to celebrate her work against domestic abuse that Ngozi Fulani was subject to a ‘microaggression’, something which Professor Ibram X. Kendi would term ‘racial abuse’…a more exacting term. In fact, Ngozi Fulani said that she was left “traumatised” — the effect on POC is both mentally and physically draining. It adds to an already high load that we are forced to carry. So, when you (talking to white folk here) ask an ‘innocent’ “where are you really from?” to POC you don’t know, remember that your follow up question is racial abuse, irrespective of the intent.
So, be open to have your actions and worldview challenged, and make concerted efforts to unlearn your socialisation.
I’ll finish with a broader point. In combating racism some of the hardest issues to deal with are not the overt ones, but that are more subtle like this***. The reality is that it is often easier to contend with people who are overtly racist because they show us who they are openly. They are conscious in their racism, and you can debate or ignore them. However, it’s ‘well-meaning’ white folk (i.e. the white progressives) who don’t see their bias and racism that are often the hardest to deal with. Frequently, they will not be debated as they cannot admit any fault in their position, beliefs or actions. As Professor Robin DiAngelo says “these are the ones which send Black people home exhausted”. So, be open to have your actions and worldview challenged, and make concerted efforts to unlearn your socialisation.
*I’m using the term POC is the absence of anything more useful and exacting. **I’m writing this from a UK perspective, but I’m certain this happens elsewhere. ***I don’t want to reduce the impact and dangerousness of overt racism.
Dr John Fernandes
Twitter: @DrJFTFernandes
